


Braids

by NaomiiWrites



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Follows Canon up to 3.09, Headcanon, In the style of a Memoir, One Shot, POV Original Character, Underage Masturbation, Unrequited Love, major trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-19 23:22:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11323854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaomiiWrites/pseuds/NaomiiWrites
Summary: Follow the canon story through the eyes of one of Lexa's handmaidens. From when Lexa ascended and to her untimely death.A story about a handmaid who falls in love with the Commander.





	Braids

**Author's Note:**

> I had an idea over the weekend and I thought it was worth the time and effort to explore. I've always wondered about Lexa's personal servants and why we never got to see them on screen. I got this idea after reading Sarah Water's _Fingersmith_ and toyed with the thought of one of the servants falling in love with her Heda.
> 
> I know it's not Clexa or anything but I wanted to try something off-kilter.
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy.
> 
> ~Naomi

Her name was Aysha. The only thing she could remember from her childhood was living in Polis training to be a handmaid to the Commander. She couldn't recall when she was brought to the city and only relies on the stories the older handmaids had told her. They say that she was brought there from Yujleda at a very young age because her parents sold her off for a few loaves of bread and a pig. Aysha wishes she could hate them, but found it difficult to hate the parents she never knew. So, the only childhood she could remember was her reddening hands from the whipping she’ll receive as discipline. The early mornings, the late nights, the routines, the teachings, everything she now called a childhood was in preparation to serve the Commander.

When she was in training, Torrin kom Sangedakru was the Commander and he was as harsh and corse as the desert he came from. Aysha tries not to remember the first time she met him and thanks the stars that she never got to serve that tyrant. It was in her fifteenth year when she stood in formation with all the other handmaids her age waiting silently to be “examined” by the Commander. His footsteps pounded thunderously against the floor as he slowly went to every girl, looked her over, passed a hand over their innocent face, and then moved on to the next. When he reached her, he seemed unimpressed. As if all the other girls had some quality he liked and expected her to share the same. He was tall and dark, and what hair he did not have on his head grew on his face. 

Though, she did not serve him, Aysha heard many rumors about what goes on in those war meetings; what happens when a handmaid is suddenly gone. She’ll hear the other girls saying, “Heda killed another guard for simply looking at him the wrong way” or, “another village has been raided.” But more often then not, the rumors were that another one of Heda’s servants was missing. She tried not to think about what happens when the Commander summons one of the handmaids. They all try not to. But one morning, were some found it troubling, she found good news. The Commander was found in his bed chambers, slain and the murderer thrown in a cell. It was a handmaid, not much older than she was, whom she saw only in passing. The Commander must have ordered her to his chambers and, knowing what happens to the girls who were summoned, she made sure she was the last. It pained Aysha to know that the girl met her fate by a thousand cuts but couldn't help but feel relieved. She thanks that girl every night for saving her and others like her.

Not long after the fortunate death of Torrin kom Sangedakru, the Conclave started. Aysha only heard about the battles; how spectacular they were and how honorable it was to be in them. But she saw with her own two eyes how horribly grotesque it all was. Children had to fight to the death in order to see who was the strongest to be their new Commander. 

With the start of the Conclave was also the start of her own duties and was made to prepare one of the novitiates for her battle. Her name was Luna. Aysha didn't find her particularly interesting in the sense that Luna didn't seem that much different from herself. Luna looked older than her but Aysha figured that if she had to fight to prove her worth, she'll appear more beyond her years. Luna said nothing to her as Aysha braided her hair. Her face was calm but she could feel the slightest tremble as she moved from strand to strand. Aysha wishes she could say something to her, anything to calm her in her upcoming fight. But it was forbidden for handmaids to speak to the novitiates or the person they were serving unless giving permission to. So all she could do was to stitch in the final braid and watch Luna walk off to face her opponent. 

What a cruel act the Fleimkepa pulled against Luna. To make her and her brother fight to see who was stronger was unforgivable. Aysha did not blame Luna when the news of her escape came the next morning. Everyone in Polis was clamoring about the cowardly act and demanded her head as a result of her betrayal. Aysha prayed that they never find her and that Luna finds any happiness she could away from this gruesome life. 

Just when she thought that the Conclave will leave her permanently afflicted, her eyes landed on one particular novitiate. A girl her age and a promising fighter. Everyone cheered the girl with hair like a dark wave that caressed the sand that was her olive skin. They exclaimed with each blow she made that sent stomach-churning blood to further stain the ground. Her movements were hypnotic and Aysha began to feel a different kind of dizziness. She began to feel the urgency of the morbid spectacle and silently hoped that she was the one who would be their Heda. _Her_ Heda. 

After three days of what seemed to be the bloodiest Aysha has seen Polis, finally the new Commander has been chosen. Lexa kom Trikru reigned superior amongst her fellow novitiates and must prepare for Ascension. Aysha was among two other handmaids that were tasked to get the young Commander ready for accepting the Flame. They worked quickly and steadily, drawing a bath and preparing gauzes for when the Commander would come. When she did, Aysha felt her breath escaped her. Covered in drying blood, Lexa walked into the sanctuary slowly but confidently and her mere presence demanded attention. Being taught to do so, the handmaids quickly bowed their heads at her approach but Aysha was painfully aware at Lexa’s proximity. She felt her skin come alive and her heart work tirelessly just by the girl being there. 

Aysha did not know what this feeling was and was sure that she was going to faint. Was she afraid of this young leader? Or was it something else? She had to blink away her thoughts for she needed to complete her duty as a handmaiden and begin to serve her new Commander. 

Lexa remained eerily silent through this endeavor and she kept her chin high. Aysha allowed her self stolen glances to those tired eyes and stoic face to see what made her so special. When she caught the Commander’s eyes looking at her dully just as Torrin did before, she felt her heart sink and quickly looked away. Was she not as impressive as the other girls who served here? Was she truly remarkably bland that no one thought to look twice at her? That her life was only worth a few loaves of bread and a dirty hog? But as she took those dark waves into her hands, finding them extraordinarily soft, Aysha knew that none of that mattered. She knew that her life, as unfortunate as it was, lead her to this very moment. As she braided the Commander’s hair, Aysha silently wished for Lexa's prosperity and a long reign into each strand for she knew she never wanted to braid another's hair. 

__________________________________________________________________

 

Years went by and as the Commander flourished in her role, so did the surrounding clans. Lexa kom Trikru grew into a great leader and was as ruthless as she was merciful. She made sure that every clan was no greater than the next and swiftly took out those who thought themselves better than their brethren. All of her people had food in their bellies, a place in her newly formed coalition, and a voice.

As the young Commander grew into a strong leader, so did Aysha affections. While the other maidens took liberties with the tower guards, Aysha kept to herself and waited on her Heda. She found herself getting excited every morning when she'll be with the Commander to braid her hair and every night to let them loose. She'll draw her a bath, leaving the water perfumed with wildflowers, and grew giddy whenever Lexa praised her efforts. Soon, Aysha found that her duties were not something she had to do but something she took pleasure in. To know that Heda was pleased with her was worth more than any other’s compliments. 

She learned that her unimpressive features shed away when she reached maturity and caught men's unwanted attention. The other handmaids also took notice at her blossoming and harmlessly teased her about her courters. 

“Aysha,” one would exclaim with laughter in her voice, “surely with all these men knocking at your door, you must find at least one of them appealing.”

She would amuse them occasionally giving them false stories of a night filled with passion. Other times, Aysha denounced all speculation between her and a man. 

“Come on now,” another would say, “I've seen you down at the market loitering at the stand with the boy that sells leather straps. You go almost every day. What's the story?”

Aysha would simply smile and tell them that one of her belts were nearly tarnished and she's been looking for a replacement. All the while, her heart fluttered nervously to know that she is being watched when she goes out. Her story was a lie, of course, but a small one. She was looking for a new leather strap but the reason behind it was fabricated. She grew quite crafty in her years in Polis and and aside from making incredible braids, she learned how to use her talents to weave intricate bracelets. They had caught the attention of the Commander one day when Aysha was helping her dress and felt that familiar weightlessness when Lexa showed interest in it. 

“You are very skilled,” Heda said in her bored way while she braided her hair. 

It was enough to make Aysha head down to the market every chance she could to find the perfect strap to make her one. She knew it was forbidden for a handmaiden to do such a thing but she thought that she could just leave it in Lexa’s chambers so she could stumble upon it. Of course, she'll deny any involvement in its creation if and when the Commander would find it and didn't take in mind the possibility of punishment.

On the day she did find a perfect strap, Aysha could hardly contain her excitement. Cutting the leather in thin straps and adorning it with beads the color of Lexa's eyes, it was finally ready by the evening. With a lively nervousness in her heart and stomach, she went about her nightly routine with Lexa. Removing her clothing and loosening her braids for the night as usual and just when she knew Lexa was going to dismiss her, a knock came at the door.

It was a girl she was sure she's seen before. With dark skin and hair like spiraling soft ivy, who couldn't be taken aback by such an impressive face? When Lexa finally dismissed her, Aysha saw something change in the Commander’s demeanor as she was leaving and the girl stayed. She remembers that sinking feeling in her heart when she finally put it all together. This woman belonged to her Heda. Although Aysha was glad that Lexa was finding her own happiness, the pain in her heart will always be there for she will never looked at her in that way. 

__________________________________________________________________

 

For months she had to share the Commander’s presence with this woman, Costia. And for months she kept the bracelet close to her heart waiting for the right time to give it to Lexa. She in no way hated Costia, in fact, she grew fond of her. She was pleasant to be around and the way she made Lexa smile was worth a little pain. 

It was no secret that the Commander and Costia were laying with one another and the persistent inquiries from the other handmaidens were all but welcoming. What ever Heda did in her chambers was no one's concern and the fact that Aysha knew what little she did was a testament to Lexa's trust in her. At this point in her life, she was not willing to squander what favor she did have with the Commander and she'll go to the grave with her secrets.

Oh, but did it ache to not be the one to feel her skin. Though she was friendly with the spiral-haired girl, Aysha often wished she was in her place. How soft were Heda’s lips? How tantalizing were her fingertips? She would find herself getting lost in her fantasies during her day to day duties and worked herself up to the point where she needed release. Throughout the day, Aysha would find peace and seclusion from the others in the tower and begin to focus on her imaginations. She'll let her hands trial down her body thinking they were Heda’s. Imagine her battle readied hands grow gentle and touch Aysha’s most sensitive spots. How their lips would be damn near inseparable as if they were the air they needed to breathe. She had heard stories from the other handmaidens saying how their men would kiss in between their legs and couldn't help but think of the Commander doing that to her. How her sweet mouth would seize Aysha in pleasure. How her lengthy fingers would slip in between the folds of her womanhood to accompany the motions of her mouth.

Aysha would think of all the things a girl could do to another girl and moved her hand feverishly to release herself from her torment. And when it came, she lay panting and wiping off the beads of sweat from her brow. In the moment, everything felt spectacular. The electric feeling coming up from between her thighs traveling up into her chest was almost enough to consume her. But as it passed and faded away, she was back where she started. She'll just be a handmaiden to the Commander and nothing more. 

Then…Costia died. Nothing will ever be the same again in Polis even if no one noticed. Aysha did. She saw how cold the Commander had gotten. How her mercy became scarce and how her eyes did not shine. Their talks in the morning when she braided her hair ceased and she was not summoned to loosen them at night. She knew Heda has slept in them for the next morning, her hair was a matted abomination and was tough to remove the knots. Her eyelids redden at the rims and she looked more tired from the lack of sleep than from duty. 

One night, when she was not summoned to take down the Commander’s braids, Aysha slept restlessly and took it upon herself to check on Lexa. She knew she was going to be reprimanded but there was a tug on her heart to be by her Heda's side. She timidly knocked on the Commander’s door and, to her surprise, was called in. What she saw nearly broke her heart. Lexa was seated at her sofa and looked up at her when she entered. She could see the anger rise in her face but it quickly faded and was replaced by tears. They did not exchange words when Aysha sat by her side for there were no need for them. The years they spent quietly together, growing their small bond, Aysha knew that words were meaningless. So instead, she draped an arm around her Heda's shoulders and let her weep. In that moment, she wasn't a servant and Lexa wasn't the Commander. They were both girls, fragile and susceptible to this harsh world they lived in. 

She left the Commander's chambers that night with a stronger bond with the girl who ruled the world and an absent bracelet. She had left it by the bedside when Lexa was finally able to sleep and knew she wouldn't let any harm come to Lexa. She would rather die than see her Heda crumble under a broken heart. And that was the night she finally knew what it feels like to be in love. 

__________________________________________________________________

 

Years flew by and the war against Azgeda has been won. The Ice Queen was put in her place and her son was banished from his homeland. After, everything seemed to be normal. Day after day, she would wake for her cot, make sure Heda's breakfast was cooking and went to her chambers to braid her hair. Day after day, Aysha would continue her duties to serve the Commander as best she could and when night as fallen, she'll wait to be summoned to let down Lexa's hair. Her heart tightened when ever she'll get a glimpse of the leather bracelet on Heda's wrist and retire to her quarters with a smile on her face and a full heart. 

Everything seemed normal until it didn't. The day that people crashed down to the ground from the sky was the day Aysha knew that nothing will ever be the same. And deep down she knew that everything was coming to an end. A short time after the Sky People arrived, Heda left her tower in Polis to see how much of a threat they were. Those days were the toughest she had to endure. It brought back memories of the war between the coalition and Azgeda where she feared every bit of news from the battlefield. Many of the handmaidens lost their sweethearts and as much as she wanted to pity them, all she cared about was if her Heda was alive and well. She trembled at the news of Lexa forming an uneasy alliance with the Sky People to defeat a common foe: the Mountain Men.

When she came back, everyone could see how different the Commander was. Her ruthlessness was all but gone and her mercy shown brighter than before. What changed her she wondered. What horrors did the Commander see when she took on the Mountain Men? Was it those brutes in the mountain or perhaps sometimes else? Rumors soon followed the Commander’s return about the leader of the Sky People and what they called her was menacing. People started to fear the one name Wanheda for who can really command death itself? Can one really hold such power and what was her Heda to do about some one with that reputation? 

Over the next few months, the tales of Wanheda grew vast and darker. They say her hair was as red as the blood that flowed out of the bodies of the Mountain Men. Some even say that she isn't even human that her form shifts in and out of the shadows ready to reap on a poor unfortunate soul. But there were some that did not fear Wanheda. Instead of cowering from the name, they sought her out because if they kill her, they take her power. Now who wouldn't want the chance to command death? She thought that Heda would want such a power but she was unfazed by the notion and almost seemed to wince at the idea of killing Wanheda. 

That is, of course, until the Ice Queen showed interest in the Commander of Death. Rumors of Wanheda wasn't the only thing to each Polis. Some of Heda's scouts reported that the queen had mobilized her army against in search of Wanheda. There was now a sense of urgency that sparked in Lexa's mood and motives. She demanded Wanheda to be found and brought to her throne at once for she can not allow the queen to harness the power of death. Aysha was confused. She hasn't seen such ambition in the Commander since…

Oh. 

Of course. It was Wanheda. It was her all along and she saw herself a fool that she didn't recognize the shine in Lexa's eyes. The Commander of Death, leader of Skaikru and Mountain Slayer has stolen her Heda's heart. Aysha didn't know what to expect after Costia’s death. She wouldn't call her relationship with the Commander a rather close one. Lexa still treated her as she did when she first ascended: a simple servant. Though, she was allowed some liberties in the Commander’s presence such as speaking freely. She couldn't even consider them friends so how could she imagine them as lovers? 

When Wanheda was finally found and brought to Polis before Heda, Aysha had to swallow her emotions down with fermented despair. She remembers the first time she laid eyes on the Mountain Slayer, screaming and kicking as she was being dragged down the hallway to her rather comfortable prison. Aysha nearly laughed her self into injury thinking that she believed the rumors of the “Great Wanheda”. To think that she was actually frightened by the stories of the one who could take your life as easily as one could defecate. What she saw that day was a girl younger than herself with fair hair and eyes the color of the sky. 

Maybe that was what caught Lexa's attention. To have ethereal features was to have the Commander's emotions. She would often find herself at the looking glass and tried to compare herself to those of Wanheda – Clarke was her name she soon learned. How could she compete with someone whose hair resembled the yellow sun when her own was the shade of mud? 

The days that followed were quite eventful but also dreadful. Her talks with the Commander came less frequently. Heda's wrist was bare from a certain missing bracelet and most of her time was spent alone with Clarke. When it was time for Skaikru to absurdly become the thirteenth clan in the Commander's coalition, she was made to prepare Wanheda. She hated every moment of it and didn't take pride in her skills like she normally would. Aysha wanted nothing more than to drive the brush into those sky eyes while she painted them. But she shuddered at the thought. If she allowed herself to be consumed by the violence that drives who she was forced to call “her people”, she was no better than those who put child against child in the Conclave. The Commander trusted Clarke and, by the way Aysha seen Lexa looked at her, loved her. If this woman brought happiness to her Heda, the she must learn to see what made her so special. 

Shortly after Skaikru joined the coalition, the Commander was able to properly avenge Costia's death. The queen was dead and Lexa never looked more at ease. Aysha could of swore that she even seen her smile after all these years of her brooding. Maybe it wasn't so unbearable to have Wanheda living with them in Polis. Aysha actually found herself enjoying Clarke's company and even asked to be her handmaiden as well. Wanheda was reluctant at first, insisting that she did not need servants waiting on her but after some coaxing for the Commander herself, she gave in. Clarke made Lexa happy in some way she couldn't understand. They were always at odds with one another, always debating and always looking at each other with such anguish in their eyes. 

Was that love? Maybe so. For she knew far more than any on-looker that they fought because they cared for one another. They fight to insure the other's survival just like Aysha would for the Commander. But she will soon learn that nothing was guaranteed in this life of violence and that the plans of death were already in motion.

__________________________________________________________________

 

How morbid it was to love something that death could touch. Aysha lived in the proximity of death but never thought that it will claim the one she held closest to her heart. Her love made her naïve to think that she'll always be around, that she'll always have breath in her lungs and life in her bones. She could not remember what she did that day when the news shook Polis to its very core. The only thing she allowed herself to remember was when the Commander summoned her to her chambers early to loosen her braids. Sadness was in her eyes for she just ordered a blockade against Skaikru and Clarke was leaving Polis. So Aysha did what she was asked and remained silent for she did not know what to say to comfort her. She wishes she would've said something then, for when she left the room, that was the last time she'll see Lexa kom Trikru alive. 

She nearly didn't believe it. Or maybe she simply couldn't. Commander Lexa was dead and Aysha felt like apart of herself died too. She found herself roaming aimlessly, tidying up as if it mattered. She was in denial and told herself she needed to retire to her cot so she could be restful in the morning. But when the Fleimkepa ordered her and other handmaids to prepare the Commander for her final rest, it suddenly hit her. 

The maidens were sobbing as they cleaned and dressed her but Aysha remained deathly silent as she braided her Heda's hair for the last time. Her silent tears fell into Lexa's hair as she made the braids loose and ceremonial. When the other girls left in a fit, she did not join them. She waited until she knew she was alone to finally let despair take after. She wept by Lexa's unmoving body, taking her cold hand into her own. 

Soon, the tears stop and her body shook. Aysha look down at her Heda, seeing how her color was gone but oh how peaceful she looked. Her fight was over and she finally found peace in death. Before she left completing her final duties to the Commander, Aysha slipped the bracelet she gave many years ago her back on her wrist, bent down and gently kissed her Heda's forehead. 

“Reshop, Heda.” She whispered. “Ai hod yu in.”


End file.
